


in one ear and right out the other

by kiden



Category: Stargate - Fandom, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 00:36:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15545733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiden/pseuds/kiden
Summary: College AU shenanigans. (repost)





	in one ear and right out the other

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sartiebodyshots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sartiebodyshots/gifts).



Sometimes, no matter how much of a rush Rodney is in - juggling his laptop, books, no doubt leaving a trail of stray pieces of paper in his wake - he finds himself caught in the common room, eyes glued to the television. There’s a girl whose name he can never remember, blonde and petite with nails so long Rodney is sure they actually classify as claws, who paints those ridiculous talons and watches The Housewives of Somewhere, USA. Nothing about the show is remotely redeeming as far as he can tell, but Rodney finds himself watching anyway, caught somewhere between intrigue and horror.

It’s not unlike listening to Vala.

Vala, who bites on the tip of her manicured finger, her tongue darting out to wet the tip before drawing it lightly across her pouting lips.

“No,” Rodney says again, this time with feeling, as he swats her hand away from her face. “That’s not going to work on me. I’m immune. I’ve built up a resistance to - to your wiles.”

She makes a throaty sound of disgust and turns towards Radek, this time drawing her bottom lip between her teeth and sucking gently until it swells prettily. “Radek, dear,” she says, tapping her perfect pink nails against the red solo cup she’s holding, “get me another drink? Rodney is being awful to me and I just don’t think I could make it across the room in this state.”

Because Zelenka is pathetic, by far the weakest of them all, he smiles at her and takes the cup. Rodney has to call upon all of his self-control to not trip him as he passes.

“At least someone loves me,” Vala says. She flings herself back against the couch, distraught and seemingly overwhelmed by Rodney’s indifference to her feminine hand grenades, no doubt calling upon all her extensive theater training. It’s the biggest waste of money that Rodney has ever witnessed. Politics aside.

“I love you,” Cam says, popping up from behind the couch and throwing his arms down over her. There’s a lamp shade on his head, and Rodney rolls his eyes. Of course there is. Because they are living in a terrible sitcom. Naturally, Vala loves it. She reaches up to touch the accordion folds of the shade, tugging gently until he gets the hint and drapes himself over the cushions, so Vala can cup his All-American Football Player Cliche jaw in her dainty hands.

“How far?” she asks, scratching her nails carefully over his cheekbones.

“To the Pizza Hut across town. Ten, eleven miles,” he says, and laughs when she feigns outrage, tugging on his hair. Dramatically, as though he’s the one throwing away his time and money on a theater major, Cam hauls himself over the couch and plops down next to her. His lampshade hat teeters on his big, empty head.

“Why?” Rodney asks. “Seriously,” he gestures to the shade, “why?”

“Because he’s full of bright ideas,” Sheppard says, laughing at his own joke, falling onto the arm of the chair Rodney is sitting in. Even drunk his sprawl is impeccable, and Rodney, not for the first time and definitely not for the last, wishes he could hate him. Just for existing.

To be fair, he could say that about anyone in the room. All of them look like they just walked out of a photoshoot for Improbable Beauty Monthly. At least there’s Radek, Rodney thinks darkly, eying him as he hands Vala her drink and half expecting her to pet him behind the ears. Ruffle his hair. At least there is Radek, who perpetually looks as though he’s in between electrocution mishaps.

“And his bright ideas would be?” Rodney asks, even though he’s vaguely afraid of the answer.

“Keg stands,” Cam says.

Of course.

“Of course,” Rodney says. “Brilliant. A leader in his field, I’m sure.”  
Cam exchanges a look with Vala, and then both of them with Sheppard, and Rodney’s seen those faces before. It’s some kind of popular person non-verbal communication that means, look at this nerd, isn’t he adorable? Rodney huffs, crossing his arms, and quietly decides that he loathes them all.

“C’mon, McKay,” Sheppard says, leaning back to throw an arm around his shoulders. “Lighten up. Get a drink. Stop looking like someone beat you at Prime, Not Prime.”

Rodney glares at him from the corner of his eye, shaking off the grip Sheppard has on his shoulders. It was only three days ago that Sheppard himself beat Rodney at Prime, Not Prime, much to his horror. Underneath all that hair rests a fantastic mathematical brain, one that Sheppard is wasting on Philosophy. Which, hello, how is that even a real major? If he hadn’t just met Sheppard a few months ago Rodney would be certain he’d picked that major just to rankle him.

“First of all, that was a fluke,” Rodney says, holding up a finger. It wasn’t and they both know it, but Sheppard doesn’t argue the point. “And second of all, don’t touch me, thank you.”

Sheppard is surely making a face behind him, but Rodney ignores him in favor of watching as Vala leans forward, grabbing Rodney’s long abandoned cup and dumping half of her drink into it. “Drink,” she says, thrusting the plastic cup at him, “it’s a party.”

“Yeah,” Cam adds intelligently, then burps.

“Yes, Rodney,” Radek says, because what Rodney obviously needs is more opinions, “for the good of us all. Drink.”

“It’s my girlfriend’s birthday,” Sheppard says, faux-sweetly, elbowing him hard in the arm. Across the room Sam is doing a shot with an already green-faced Daniel, and Rodney sighs.

“Her name is Sam,” he corrects. “We all know who she is. Although I understand why you’d want to keep reminding us all you two are, in fact, dating, you can stop any time now.”

“For the love of God, Rodney,” Sheppard says, exasperated, “drink. Drink before I throw you off the roof.”

Somewhere in the distance, Ronon shouts, “Do us all the favor.”

Rodney hates them all.

-

 

Cameron Mitchell is the smartest person Rodney has ever met, and he tells him so, grabbing ahold of his wonderful lampshade hat tightly and shaking him excitedly.

“The bubble wrap was a great idea,” Rodney says, grinning at him. “Really, a stroke of genius. What’s your major again? Is it uhh… genius-ing. It should be.” He turns to Radek and lays a hand on his shoulder, “Is Genius-ing a major? Why aren’t we majoring in that. Well, maybe not you, but me. I should be majoring in being smart.”

Radek makes a small, amused sound, but Rodney’s attention is already wandering elsewhere.

To the drink Vala pushes into his hand again, and wow, it’s really good. Fruity and sweet, carefully made without a hint of citrus, and seriously, he just has the best friends ever. They are so great.

“Rodney,” Teyla says, a small smile threatening to negate the way her features are schooled to be Very Serious and Reasonable. “Are you sure you want to do this? Do not let John and Cameron talk you into anything dangerous you don’t wish to partake in.”

“You are so pretty,” Rodney says, and grips her shoulders. “Teyla you are so pretty and great but it’s okay, really, I want to. It’s going to be great. You’re great and this is going to be great.”

“It was his idea, anyway,” Sheppard says, “and it’s an awesome idea. He’s going to be fine. Right, buddy?” He slaps his hand down on Rodney’s shoulder, and it makes a loud popping sound as a few of the bubbles burst.

Sheppard’s face is red from the booze, from excitement, maybe, and he tosses a big, lopsided grin at Rodney who matches it enthusiastically. He has duct tape stuck to his shirt, from when they’d secured the bubble wrap around his body, and Rodney rips it off, sticking it distractedly to Radek’s face.

“Okay, here we go.” Sheppard takes him by the shoulders and carefully walks him backwards towards the edge of the roof. “You cool?”

“You’re cool,” Rodney says, because Sheppard is cool. Sheppard - John - John is the coolest. “I’m fine.”

John laughs, the terrible honking sound of it echoing around them in the darkness. “Okay. One -.”

This is going to be fantastic. Really.

“Two,” Cam counts.

Rodney has the best friends ever. John buckles the strap of the helmet Rodney’s wearing, tapping the hard plastic top twice. He’s ready to go.

“Three,” John says, smiling, and pushes Rodney’s chest hard, sending him careening off the roof.

-

“Oh, my God,” Sam says, dropping to her knees in the grass next to him. “Are you out of your mind, Rodney? Are you -.”

“I’m okay,” he says, grinning up at her. “That was so awesome. Sam, Samantha, wow. That was so awesome. He pushed me off the roof.”

Sam helps him sit up, her hand warm between his shoulder blades. “You’re out of your mind. You’re -.”

Up on the roof, John, Cameron and the rest of them are watching, their faces all wide, toothy grins, and Rodney laughs as they all disappear at once. No doubt bounding down the stairs.

“Rodney!” John says, the first one out the door, followed close by the others. He grabs Rodney’s hands and pulls him to his feet, then punches him in the shoulder. A few more bubbles pop. “That was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“John,” Sam starts, then stops, swaying on her feet. She holds a hand to her head and sighs, “you pushed him off the roof?”

“Just a little,” John says, and shrugs. Still smiling as he casts a quick glance in Rodney’s direction.

“I’m invulnerable!” Rodney says happily. “What can you throw me off of next?”

Sam laughs, a breathless, incredulous kind of chuckle. “I want nothing to do with this,” she says. But Rodney pats her shoulder cheerfully, before Sheppard and Cam drag him off to find something else, maybe higher this time.

Rodney’s known her long enough to hear the unspoken, what am I going to do with my dumb boys? and it adds to the alcohol warmth in his chest, blooming sweetly.


End file.
